Lime Gemini’s Triangle

Yeah it is really wasted. Wasted opportunity to go and enjoy life as an adult. Seriously, i am so pissed about  having nothing else to do in my life aside from school, work, and staying home. It is really boring doing stuff over and over again. I want to have a healthy life.  I mean I want to have a healthy living and that includes mental, emotion and especially social life.

I know that my dad is being protective on me and my sister, but it’s just too much. I feel like I was being caught in social deprivation. I always want to go somewhere with my friends, to hangout with them, have fun being young, but i can’t because dad always opposed on it. I am not a wild daughter, not even a bit. I don’t smoke, I don’t drink, and especially I don’t have any interest in hooking up with some guys nor with girls. I even go home before curfew. I always have clean fun, I don’t mess up, and most especially I choose my friends. I be friend with people that are not BI, bad influence. I got a lot of friends but because i can’t go out, I am now isolated from them.

Sometimes I’m so jealous of kids the same of my age that goes out and had good time in their youthful years. If you were to ask me what was the happiest times I had with friends, I’ll simple answer you, when i was in the Philippines. My mom is strict too, but not the same as this- having no interaction with piers the same as my age, or piers that I could call my own friends. I am already grown up. I know what’s wrong and whats right. I know that i am still young to take responsibility of myself but how would i learn if I am being deprived of learning and experiencing something in the real world. How would i grow? How would I merge to a new me? How would I become an adult if i just jump into an adult without experiencing my teen years.

Seventeen, eighteen, nineteen are the years that I suppose to have more fun. Those are the years that I suppose to have a learn from your mistakes” but with fun. The way you enjoy knowing something you like even though it could be wrong. Frankly speaking, I always cry myself to sleep thinking of the sad days that passes by. America is a good place but there is no happiness for me here because i can’t get it. When friends invites me to go out to have dinner, bowling, going to the beach, or watch a movie, I instantly always turn them down because I already know that my dad will not let me go. So instead, I stayed home, chillin’ by myself. Alone with the computer. Making network of friends in the internet. Making connections in the internet but it’s still not enough. I always feel like there is still lacking something. Something that has face, eyes, nose, mouth, hands, that one that walks, the one that you could giggle with.

Last month, I was thinking of going for a trip far away before next year May. I wanna go for snowboarding or skiing. Since I heard from my sister that her friend and her friends family are going for a snowboarding trip, it gave me a though if we could go with them. Of course I’ll pay for mine and my sisters expenses. I want to go with them because there will be people same as our age. So we will definitely  have fun. However my dad, opposed on it again because he was thinking that it’s my sisters wish to go with her friend, and she was only using me as a front man. But i am not a front man, I am the one who wishes to go somewhere else. I want to have a happy memory being young. I’ll be 22 next year and time will just fly by like a flick of a finger. I don’t want to waste any of my years. I don’t want to end up innocent of something simple or something fun. I don’t even want to be like my uncle who just pass away so young and it was so sudden. I don’t want to end up like neither of the two. It’s only a simple wish, happiness , happy memory, and i can’t still get it.